Bill Belichick, football’s resident grump and hoodie connoisseur, has officially entered his “what the hell is he doing?” era.
When Pageantry and Midlife Crisis Collide
First, his girlfriend—yes, girlfriend—Jordan Hudson flopped out of the Miss Maine USA pageant with a sour face and a broken crown. Jordon Hudson lost the Miss Maine pageant—again—and left the building in full glam, clutching the hand of 73-year-old Bill Belichick like she was helping Grandpa navigate the valet line. It was less beauty queen moment, more assisted living chic. These two are more ridiculous than a disco ball in a monastery.
After Hudson, 24, placed third at the event on Sunday, May 11, she exited the Holiday Inn Portland venue beside her boyfriend Belichick, 73. The contestant — who was representing the town of Hancock — left with her sash still draped over the sparkling purple evening gown she wore on stage. – Yahoo News
Her boyfriend? Are we really still using that word like it fits here? Call me old-fashioned—or just conscious—but there’s something deeply unsettling about referring to a 73-year-old man as someone’s “boyfriend,” especially when the woman in question is young enough to be mistaken for his intern. At that age, “boyfriend” feels less romantic and more like a clerical error. We’re not talking prom dates and playlists—we’re talking Medicare and Metamucil.
When the Love Story Needs a Crisis PR Team
But apparently, the media can’t get enough of them. The coverage keeps coming—glam shots, awkward exits, hand-holding like it’s a Hallmark movie gone sideways. But at what cost? Are people laughing with them… or just laughing at them? This looks less like a love story and more like a punchline that refuses to leave the stage.
Now, the University of North Carolina, where Belichick recently took a job, has hired a PR firm to help manage the fallout from this absolutely unhinged pairing.
North Carolina: Help is on the way.
In response to the never-ending headlines surrounding the drama of Bill Belichick and his girlfriend Jordon Hudson, UNC is reportedly going to beef up its public relations department.
The university is close to officially hiring former Chicago Bears PR chief Brandon Faber to help UNC navigate all the swirling talks around Belichick and his 24-year-old girlfriend. – New York Post
Let that sink in: a Division I football program just called in professional media wranglers over a 70-something man and his 20-something “girlfriend.” Not over a recruiting scandal. Not over NCAA violations. But because the optics of Belichick dating someone who could pass as a college sophomore are just that bad.
Bill Belichick’s girlfriend givin him football advice at halftime… pic.twitter.com/808bVAhCQg
— CTESPNNetwork (@CtespnN) May 12, 2025
And we’re all supposed to pretend this is normal?
What’s the appeal, exactly—other than six Super Bowl rings and a retirement fund that could bankroll a small nation? Let’s be honest: she’s not dating him. She’s dating the brand. The mystique. The luxury box lifestyle. Maybe she saw him on ESPN as a kid and thought, Someday, I wanna be the one peeling his oranges and reminding him where he left his reading glasses.
Frankly, it’s giving Hilaria Baldwin. It’s giving Jill Biden playing full-time nurse. It’s giving whatever we’re calling the political sugar-baby-industrial complex these days.
But Belichick doesn’t care. This is a man who made a living out of giving reporters one-word answers and cutting players mid-season without blinking. Now he’s trotting around with a tiara-chasing Insta-girl and dragging a university’s reputation into the drama. It’s like watching a stoic war general start filming thirst traps—off-brand, off-putting, and absolutely baffling.
UNC is in damage control. The pageant world is whispering. And America? We’re watching a legendary football coach spiral into a full-blown midlife crisis—30 years too late.
Congrats, Bill. You’ve gone from the GOAT to gossip fodder in record time.
Feature Image: AlexanderJonesi, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons/edited in Canva Pro
(Meet the Americanist)
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