Welcome to An Americanist’s Side-Eye —your weekly roundup of headlines that practically beg for a sarcastic slow-blink. I’ll skim the latest absurdities, flag the nonsense, and toss in a few sharp jabs where they’re deserved. No hysteria, no moral preening—just one woman’s commentary on the circus we keep pretending is normal. Because of course they did.
🧑⚖️ Judge Cano & the Tren de Aragua Airbnb Experience
Forget “judge of character”—this guy couldn’t even judge a gang affiliation. Joel Cano, once robed and gavel-wielding, thought it was a great idea to harbor an alleged member of Tren de Aragua, a terrorist-tagged group known for extortion, drug trafficking, and murders. The same group ICE warns about—he apparently welcomed into his home like it was Sunday brunch. And now he’s in cuffs, showing us once again: the bench isn’t immune to being completely out of touch—or complicit.
Kash’s FBI just arrested activist New Mexico judge, Joel Cano, and his wife, for harboring a Tren de Aragua gang member in their home.
Seems like a significant development.
Perhaps a sign of more to come. 👀
— Clandestine (@WarClandestine) April 25, 2025
🚀 NASA Internship Ghosted for “Woke” Reasons
She turned down a NASA internship because space exploration is “colonialist.” Yes, really. Apparently, launching rockets is now an act of oppression. This is what happens when academia replaces engineering with grievance studies. No one’s living on Mars, but that won’t stop Gen Woke from trying to “liberate” it. Spoiler: the only thing colonized here is critical thinking—taken hostage by TikTok lectures and a victimhood complex orbiting reality.
🏕️ Camping World Flag Fight
Imagine hating the American flag so much that you’d rather tank local business than let a giant Stars and Stripes wave over a Camping World parking lot. That’s exactly what happened in North Carolina. CEO Marcus Lemonis refused to shrink Old Glory—and instead of folding the flag, he folded the store. This is what happens when patriotism meets bureaucratic busybodies with nothing better to do than regulate freedom by the foot.
🎭 Pedro Pascal’s Rowling Rant
Pedro Pascal, the man hired to play a superhero, just used his platform to bash J.K. Rowling for… quoting a Supreme Court ruling. Because nothing screams “mature discourse” like a grown man in spandex hurling playground insults over a legal affirmation of biological reality. Apparently in Hollywood, defending science makes you a “heinous loser” but cosplaying as a genderless blob from the multiverse is peak virtue.
📺 Martha vs. Meghan Markle
Martha Stewart—who’s done more time and more branding than Meghan Markle could dream of—just casually asked if Meghan’s Netflix show ever came out. It’s the burn of the week, delivered with a doily. Meghan’s content is so elusive, even Martha had to squint and ask, “Is it out yet?” Translation: “Are you doing anything besides playing duchess dress-up and talking about your feelings?”
An Americanist’s Side-Eye, Dispatch 001
From the home of the brave opinion – see you next round.
