Side-Eye Friday: Poop Walls, Mummy Bread, and Revolutionary Rich Kids
Every week I sit down to gather stories for Side-Eye Friday and every week America somehow manages to exceed expectations.
This week brought us socialist grooming academies for trust fund babies, ancient mummy sourdough, a homeowner trapped behind a ten-foot wall of human waste, and a school committee protest that somehow involved laxative brownies.
Let’s begin.
The Working-Class Candidate Who Forgot To Be Working Class
Nothing says authentic working-class revolution quite like a wealthy private-school graduate being coached by professional socialists.
The story follows Graham Platner, a well-off young progressive apparently being marketed as some sort of champion of the common worker. Naturally, this transformation required assistance from a pair of socialist operatives who seem to believe class consciousness can be installed like software.
Meet the champagne socialist duo who groomed rich kid Graham Platner into a ‘working-class’ candidate
By Chadwick Moore
Published June 5, 2026, 6:50 a.m. ETGraham Platner has done a better job of hiding his privileged roots than the Nazi tattoo on his chest — a move which is by… pic.twitter.com/eAGcKcnBKM
— Carolyn Rockey (@CarolynWRockey) June 5, 2026
At this point, socialism has become the political equivalent of rich kids pretending to rough it for a semester abroad.
The funniest part is that actual working-class Americans usually spend their time trying to escape poverty. Progressive activists keep treating it like a personality aesthetic.
Hollywood’s Trans Kid Problem
The article explores something many people noticed years ago but were told not to mention.
When clusters of children in the same social circles, schools, online communities, and celebrity environments suddenly begin arriving at the same conclusion about their identities, reasonable people tend to ask questions.
Rob Finnerty: “They want all of us to think that this is just some wild coincidence—what’s happening in Hollywood that a group of actors worth millions of dollars, who all live in the same place, just randomly all have trans children? I don’t think that’s a coincidence, and it’s… pic.twitter.com/pj6giQANfB
— NEWSMAX (@NEWSMAX) June 5, 2026
Hollywood, of course, prefers explanations involving bravery, self-discovery, and inspirational magazine covers.
The possibility that social influence plays a role remains the one explanation certain activists refuse to examine.
Funny how “follow the science” always seems to end precisely where the uncomfortable questions begin.
Silicon Valley’s Robot Problem
For years, we’ve been assured that robots are coming for our jobs.
Then someone uploads another video of a million-dollar machine face-planting into a wall.
Apparently, engineers are now teaching robots how to fall correctly.
Excellent.
Human beings spent thousands of years inventing civilization, agriculture, medicine, aviation, and indoor plumbing.
The machines spent their first week unsupervised falling down stairs.
Maybe we keep the humans around a little longer.
Scientists Made Bread From Ancient Mummy Yeast
Every generation faces important scientific questions.
This generation apparently asked:
“What if we baked bread using yeast harvested from a dead mummy?”
According to researchers, the bread turned out quite good.
That’s wonderful.
Breadmaking keeps you connected to the ancient world but making bread from yeast you found inside a 5,000-year-old mummy seems a bit excessive. pic.twitter.com/2twu9ONOuC
— slimzim (@jameszimmermann) June 4, 2026
I personally draw the line at consuming anything that begins with the phrase “recovered from an ancient corpse.” Some discoveries exist solely because scientists refuse to leave well enough alone.
The fact that they successfully turned mummy guts into artisan sourdough does not answer the more important question.
Why would anyone volunteer to be first in line?
The Woman Trapped Behind Poop Walls
The modern housing market has enough problems already.
Mortgage rates. Insurance costs. Property taxes.
Now, apparently, we must add giant walls of manure.
A homeowner says she cannot sell her property because neighboring piles of animal waste have grown into towering barriers visible from the home.
Imagine scheduling an open house:
“Great kitchen.”
“Nice backyard.”
“What exactly is that mountain over there?”
“Oh, that’s the poop wall.”
There are some sentences you never expect to write. There are some sentences you never expect to read.
This story somehow achieved both.
The Laxative Brownie Activist
Political activism continues evolving in exciting new directions.
A Nantucket activist allegedly delivered brownies containing laxatives to members of a school committee.
Once upon a time activists wrote letters. Then they carried signs. Now we’re apparently weaponizing baked goods.
The most amazing part is that somebody looked at a tray of brownies and thought, “Yes. This is a productive contribution to public discourse.”
The republic may survive many things. I’m less confident about surviving people who think revenge baking is a legitimate political strategy.
Closing Thoughts
Every Friday I wonder whether the news can possibly get any stranger.
Then I find socialist trust-fund revolutionaries, mummy bread, weaponized brownies, collapsing robots, and a house blocked by industrial-strength poop walls.
The good news is that America remains endlessly entertaining.
The bad news is that next Friday will probably be even weirder.
Feature image: AI-generated illustration.
