Side-eye friday
The Side-Eye

Side-Eye Friday: Billionaires Fleeing, UFO Files, and Taylor Swift the “Showgirl”

by Carol Marks

Some weeks, I sit down to write Side-Eye Friday and think, “Maybe the country will calm down a little.”

Then I open the headlines and immediately see billionaires fleeing socialists, UFO files suddenly reappearing, celebrities melting down online, apartment squatters living rent-free for over a year, and Dear Abby sounding less like an advice column and more like a police report.

America doesn’t feel like a functioning country so much as a group project where nobody read the instructions but everybody still wants control of the poster board.

Socialism Sounds Great Until the Billionaires Start Packing

First up, New York leaders are reportedly scrambling to stop wealthy residents from fleeing the city over socialist darling Zohran Mamdani and his tax-heavy ideas. When you spend months screaming that rich people are evil parasites who should fund everybody else’s existence, some rich people quietly start looking at houses in Florida. Imagine that.

This is the part of modern politics that fascinates me. Progressive activists talk about billionaires like cartoon villains sitting in underground volcano lairs stroking white cats. But the second those same people threaten to leave, suddenly everybody starts panicking like somebody unplugged life support.

“Well wait… who’s paying for all this stuff?”

Exactly.

And listen, I know conservatives are supposed to do the whole dramatic “New York is collapsing!” thing every week, bu this one writes itself. You cannot build your entire political identity around resenting success and then act shocked when successful people decide they don’t enjoy being resented.

These cities sound like toxic relationships.

“You’re horrible, selfish, greedy, disgusting people… WAIT DON’T GO.”

Source: New York leaders desperately try to stop billionaire bigs from fleeing city over Mamdani

UFO Files: Fun Distraction or Soft Launch?

The Trump administration says it’s preparing to release long-anticipated UFO and extraterrestrial files, which means America is about to spend at least 72 straight hours pretending we’re all amateur astrophysicists.

I swear the UFO crowd treats every government document release like it’s Christmas morning.

“This time we’re getting the REAL truth.”

Sir, last time the “truth” was basically a blurry Tic Tac and a retired Navy pilot saying, “I dunno what that was.”

Now look. I’m not saying there’s nothing weird out there. The universe is massive. I fully accept there may be life somewhere beyond Earth. But every few years this topic rolls back around and half the country suddenly acts like Dale Gribble from King of the Hill.

And maybe I’m cynical, but whenever Washington starts hyping UFO files during political chaos, part of me wonders if somebody just jingled shiny keys in front of the public.

Inflation? Border? Crime? Economic anxiety?

“HEY LOOK ALIENS.”

Honestly though? As national distractions go, this one is at least more entertaining than another week of congressional hearings where everybody yells and nobody changes anything.

Source: Trump admin to begin releasing highly anticipated UFO and extraterrestrial life files

Another TED Talk From the Congressional Bartender

Then there’s Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez claiming nobody “earns” a billion dollars because all of it is stolen labor.

Every few weeks AOC delivers another one of these grand philosophical monologues that sound like they were written by a sophomore sociology major after two margaritas and a Reddit binge.

And I always come back to the same thought: why do wealthy progressive politicians always talk like capitalism is evil while actively benefiting from capitalism?

Because somehow the speaking fees, the fame, the book deals, the expensive apartments, and the celebrity treatment never seem to count when they’re cashing in.

Funny how that works.

Also, this idea that every billionaire is personally crawling through factories stealing lunch money from workers is such childish cartoon thinking. Some people absolutely exploit systems. Some corporations are corrupt. Some CEOs are awful.

But America also creates innovators, builders, risk-takers, entertainers, and yes, wildly successful people that millions voluntarily hand money to.

That’s kind of how free markets work.

The constant obsession with punishing success feels exhausting. The modern Left stopped talking about building wealth and became emotionally committed to resenting it instead.

Source: AOC mocked after claiming no one can earn a billion dollars because it is stolen labor

Mark Hamill Needs To Go Outside

Meanwhile, Mark Hamill had to delete and apologize for posting an image implying the death of Donald Trump.

What is happening to these celebrities?

Seriously.

There’s something about Trump that completely melts certain people’s brains into warm pudding. Rational thought evaporates. Everything becomes apocalyptic theater.

And before somebody starts with the “it was just a joke” defense, maybe. But we’re living in a time where public figures casually flirt with violent imagery toward political opponents, and everybody’s supposed to pretend that’s normal and healthy.

It’s not.

Also, Mark Hamill is 74 years old. Maybe you should be gardening. Learning to make sourdough. Watching birds. Something peaceful.

Not rage-posting like an emotionally unstable freshman activist with WiFi and too much free time.

Luke Skywalker would never.

Source: Star Wars actor Mark Hamill deletes Trump death image and apologizes

The Rent-Free Situation Gets Literal

A cross-dressing tenant in New York reportedly terrorized neighbors while allegedly living rent-free in an apartment building for over a year.

The first thing I thought was: “Oh, so THIS is the affordable housing plan.”

You almost have to admire the confidence.

Imagine existing in New York City, where people are paying approximately fourteen thousand dollars a month to live inside what looks like a converted hallway, and meanwhile somebody else just decides:

“Nah. I live here now.”

The bigger issue though is how powerless normal residents often seem in these stories. Everybody tiptoes around bad behavior forever because nobody wants confrontation, lawsuits, accusations, or social media outrage.

So entire apartment buildings end up held hostage by one chaotic person while management sends passive-aggressive emails reminding tenants to “be respectful.”

No. Remove the lunatic who is masturbating in the hallways.

Society desperately needs to rediscover the ability to say:
“This is unacceptable. Get out.”

Source: Cross-dressing neighbor from hell terrorizing NYC apartment building report

Dear Abby Has Entered the Black Mirror Era

Finally, there was a Dear Abby letter from someone grieving after their father’s wife allegedly shoved doughnuts into his mouth after he had a stroke instead of calling 911.

A sampling of the letter:

When Dad had a serious stroke, instead of calling 911, Selma went to a neighbor’s house to ask what she should do. Then she grabbed two doughnuts and put them in his mouth. Dad survived. After he returned from rehabilitation, my brother and I had arranged to have a chairlift installed because of the number of steps in his home. Selma went ballistic! She threatened Dad that if he allowed us to visit or have the lift installed, she would leave him.

And I’m sorry, but Dear Abby feels like America’s emotional support hotline for people trapped inside psychological horror movies.

Every letter starts with:
“My husband secretly lives as a pirate on weekends, and my aunt married my parole officer…”

And somehow Abby calmly responds:
“Communication is important.”

I’m beginning to think Dear Abby already has been replaced by AI because some of these letters are just plain stupid.

At least artificial intelligence would have the excuse of not being human.

Because what do you mean your stepmother shoved doughnuts into your father’s mouth during a medical emergency instead of calling 911 and now you’re asking a newspaper advice column how to process your feelings?

Ma’am.

At this point, Dear Abby feels less like an advice column and more like America collectively submitting audition tapes for psychological evaluation.

Because WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE.

Source: Dear Abby letter about father after stroke sparks outrage

Taylor Swift the “Showgirl”? Ma’am.

And finally, I actually side with former Vegas performers criticizing Taylor Swift over her “showgirl” branding lawsuit drama.

Because the second I heard the album title, I thought:
“Taylor Swift is not a showgirl.”

That’s not even hate. It’s just… factually odd branding.

Vegas showgirls are an entire aesthetic and performance culture. Feathers. Glamour. Stage spectacle. Big personality. Old-school theatrical femininity. It’s a whole thing.

Taylor’s brand has always been more diary confessional meets wealthy horse girl wandering through emotional fog in sparkly boots.

And that’s fine! She built an empire on it. But “showgirl” immediately conjures up a completely different energy than what she’s spent her entire career selling.

This is the weird modern celebrity habit of wanting to absorb every female archetype at once.

Girl next door.
Victim.
Boss babe.
Poet.
Bombshell.
Showgirl.
Rebel.
Folk singer.
CEO.
Sad woodland fairy.

At some point it starts feeling less like authenticity and more like corporate brand Pokémon.

And honestly? The Vegas performers have every right to side-eye it a little. Some identities are earned through culture and history, not just because a billionaire pop star thinks the word sounds aesthetically pretty on merch.

Source: Taylor Swift drags ex Vegas performers into absurd showgirl lawsuit response

Anyway, that’s enough side-eye for one Friday. The billionaires are fleeing, the aliens may be arriving, celebrities are spiraling online, and somewhere in America a Dear Abby reader is quietly realizing their entire family belongs on a Netflix documentary.

Enjoy your weekend, friends. Try not to argue with strangers on the internet, don’t join a socialist movement before doing basic math, and if the government suddenly tells us extraterrestrials are real next week… honestly, at this point, I don’t even think America would blink.

Feature Image: AI-generated illustration.

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