Side Eye Friday
The Side-Eye

Side-Eye Friday: The Knicks, The Illiterates, The Scots, And Hunter Biden’s Next Career Move

by Carol Marks

Another week has passed, which means America once again delivered enough material to make satire feel unnecessary.

This week we learned that socialist politicians enjoy VIP perks, college professors are discovering students cannot read, corporate marketing departments remain determined to repeat the Bud Light experience, Scottish soccer fans invaded Boston exactly as expected, and Hunter Biden may have found his next career opportunity.

Grab a cup of coffee and prepare to lower your expectations for the republic. It’s time for Side-Eye Friday.

The People’s Socialist Enjoys VIP Pricing

New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani reportedly secured access to discounted Knicks Finals tickets through the same sort of insider arrangements that ordinary New Yorkers can only dream about.

Every generation discovers a fresh batch of politicians who promise to fight the system. Then they arrive in office and immediately discover the system has some pretty nice perks.

The revolution may not be televised, but apparently it comes with discounted Knicks tickets.

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College Students Versus Reading

Professors at a California university are reportedly being forced to redesign coursework because students are arriving unable to handle college-level reading assignments.

For years we lowered standards, inflated grades, abandoned discipline, and treated academic rigor like an act of oppression. Now universities are discovering that students who never learned how to read difficult material struggle when confronted with difficult material.

Somewhere a participation trophy is nodding in approval.

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HelloFresh Takes The Bud Light Exit Ramp

HelloFresh found itself in the middle of a backlash after Pride-themed marketing generated exactly the sort of customer response that corporate marketing departments keep insisting won’t happen.

At this point corporate America approaches Pride Month the way teenage boys approach fireworks. Every year somebody decides they need a bigger explosion. Every year somebody loses an eyebrow.

Customers continue asking the same question they asked Bud Light: Could you just sell me the product?

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The Scots Have Landed

Thousands of Scottish soccer fans descended upon Boston this week and immediately began behaving exactly as every stereotype predicted they would.

I hesitate to call this breaking news. This is more like a natural phenomenon. If enough Scots gather in one place, beer eventually disappears. Scientists have known this for years.

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Hunter Biden’s Next Career Move

Hunter Biden appeared on Gavin Newsom’s podcast this week and floated what may be the most 2026 political idea imaginable: a presidential ticket with Hunter Biden at the top and Gavin Newsom serving as vice president.

Remember when everyone assured us Hunter was just a private citizen who should be left alone?

Good times.

Hunter may be imagining Gavin Newsom as his running mate. Gavin Newsom is almost certainly imagining Gavin Newsom as Gavin Newsom’s running mate.

At this point American politics feels less like a presidential election and more like a Hollywood reboot that nobody asked for but somehow keeps getting renewed.

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The Side-Eye Conclusion

This week brought us a socialist enjoying VIP perks, college students battling reading assignments, corporations relearning the Bud Light lesson, Scottish tourists conducting advanced research on American beer supplies, and Hunter Biden auditioning for a future administration.

See you next Friday.

Assuming the Scots leave us any beer. 🍺

Feature Image: AI-generated illustration.

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